A LIBERAL REJOICES

“WE ARE WINNING!”

It has been a long and difficult battle, but we are finally winning. You may be asking who the players are, so please bear with me while I give a brief review.

HISTORICAL REVIEW
For centuries, Christians have virtually controlled America and kept the rest of us from exercising and enjoying our freedoms. They decorated public institutions and documents with Bible verses and Christian symbols. They insisted on putting Christian slogans on our money and in our pledge of allegiance. They purchased choice properties in most towns and cities across the nation, yet paid no taxes.

As if that was not enough, the Christians have done all in their power to force their religious beliefs on us. They effectively suppressed all activities which didn’t conform to their opinions and prejudices. We were not permitted the same public freedom of expression that they enjoyed. Certain words, which they called “profanity” were forbidden and pictures showing nakedness or sexual activity were banned from the media and motion pictures. Unless we conformed to their definitions of “normal” interpersonal relationships, we were publicly humiliated and ostracized. Homosexuals and lesbians were excluded from many clubs, organizations and even military service. In the early years of our nation’s existence, Christians opposed and effectively banned some of the things we enjoyed most, like gambling and the consummation of alcoholic beverages. We were able to throw off their yoke back then and it is a comfort to know that we are finally gaining the upper hand in the contest for unprecedented freedom. The battle is far from over, but the end is in sight and many Christians are retreating in defeat! We can begin planning the victory celebration.

NOTEWORTHY ACHIEVEMENTS
Today, we have the right to openly promote and practice sexuality according to our personal preferences. We can choose one partner, many partners or continuously changing partners of any sex without fear of consequences. We can hold love parades and other gay pride events. Christians are not even allowed to protest on the sidelines. We have come a long way!

Christians are no longer permitted to promote their beliefs in our public schools. Prayers and Bible readings have been banned. On the other hand, we can now teach school children to accept and practice our sexual preferences.

For this reason, Christians have founded their own schools, which makes it easier for us to promote our agendas. What is remarkable about this victory, is the fact that Christians not only have to fund the education of their own children, but also contribute to the education of children in public schools through property taxes.

Granted, our sexual preferences can lead to increased health risks, but the government now provides information on prevention and free condoms. If these fail, tax-funded research programs are seeking a cure and until they find one, infected individuals can get free treatment in medical clinics. Should a woman become pregnant, she can now choose to give birth to the child or have the fetus in her womb aborted. Christian tax dollars even help to subsidize all this!

Expletives and sexual depictions are now commonplace in the modern media. Christians have the option of turning off their TVs, but few do. And as they watch, more and more Christians espouse our values or at least begin to show toleration.

Our battle for freedom of expression was not an easy one. A major problem that surfaced as we fought for our right of free speech, was the fact that Christians also claimed this right. They spoke out boldly in opposition to our attempts to introduce freedom of expression in the media.

Our first positive step in countering the Christian opposition was the introduction of what has become known as “political correctness.” According to the rules of political correctness, a handicapped individual is now “physically impaired” and the chairman has become a “chairperson.” Christians obligingly went along with this trend and scores of new words were added to our vocabulary. The next step was to find non-offensive terms for people, places and actions which had gained a negative connotation in the minds of many people, Christians in particular. Aborting a “fetus” sounded better than killing an unborn child, so the latter terminology became politically incorrect. Because Christians gave “abortion” a bad image, we now speak of “family planning” or “planned parenthood.”

We were soon able to convince the press and politicians to refrain from using politically incorrect terminology. Many Christian pastors and writers also refrained from using terminology that had been declared politically incorrect.

We soon realized that we had stumbled upon a great weapon in our battle to wrest control from the Christians. Using this tool, we were able to get a bill passed, that effectively muzzles Christians, yet allows us to express ourselves freely. Normally, this bill would have been defeated, but we came up with a name for it that politicians could hardly oppose. We called it a “Hate Crime Bill” even though the law has nothing to do with hate or crime. No one wants to be labeled as a promoter of “hate crimes.”

We have found a partial solution to the problem of untaxed church property. The Supreme Court passed the “Eminent Domain” ruling, which grants communities the right to seize private property that provides little or no income and sell it to commercial developers. The ruling has already been successfully implemented against churches in several cities.

BATTLES NOT YET WON
Because Christians talk a lot about love, one might think that they would espouse pacifism and embrace strict gun laws, but their response to our attempts to enact stricter gun control laws took us by surprise. These uneducated fools blame perpetrators for the rising crime rates rather than the availability of dangerous weapons. They even quote founding fathers of our nation who espoused this idea. By the same token, they reject our idea of rehabilitating criminals by showing them lenience and providing more comfortable prisons. They even espouse the death penalty for repeat offenders.

Fortunately, we have nearly complete control of the media, which regularly reports gun violence coupled with the need for tighter controls. If we can somehow convince enough Christians that the existence of guns and harsh police action are what drive people to criminal activity, we may be able to achieve our goals.

Closely associated with this problem is the widespread Christian support for Israel and the war in Iraq. If they could only come to recognize that deserting Israel is a small price to pay for achieving peace with Muslims!

Considering the above, it shouldn’t surprise us that many Christians continue to spank their children even though we have succeeded in making corporal punishment unlawful. Similar to their attitude toward criminals, they claim that the problem lies in the “wicked heart of man” and not in an unfavorable environment.

BATTLE OF THE MIND
Most Christians espouse creation by a super being they call “God” and reject the concept of evolution. This explains many of their errant positions. They reject our postulation that man is inherently good and constantly improving according to an on-going evolutionary process. They rather believe that man was created perfect, in the image of God, and that he rebelled and became evil. According to them, man must repent of his evil and be restored to fellowship with God.

This is a difficult concept for enlightened people like us to comprehend, but it not only explains why Christians oppose abortion and euthanasia; it also shows why they fail to recognize the need for some of our social programs designed to bring out the good in people. They reject government welfare payments to the impoverished, for example, arguing that it keeps them dependant.

Christians view the environment with different eyes. They believe the world is coming to an end in the not-too-distant future, so one would not expect them to be very concerned about protecting the environment. This is not the case, however, for they also believe in a relatively young earth and sense a God-given responsibility to protect it.

Unfortunately, this does not mean that we see eye to eye on environmental matters! We view nature as a constantly changing entity which evolved from a single organism. While it is important that we allow nature to take its course in continuing evolution, as superior products of that evolution, we need to do all in our power to steer nature in a direction that is beneficial to us. Cloning and genes manipulation are two examples of our efforts in this direction.

For Christians, ecology is a much simpler matter. They believe in a myriad, unchanging creation, which only needs care and consideration. Because they believe God is the creator and ultimate caretaker of his creation, they see no need to try improving it.

Christians have a strange world view. On the one hand, they send emissaries to the far corners of the globe to convert people to their God, yet they generally oppose a one-world system, called globalization. According to them, this is the design of a personality they call the “antichrist.” Their rejection of evolution also explains why they disagree with us about who knows best and decides what is good for society. Instead of survival of the fittest, Christians believe in making the weaker members of society stronger, more competitive and responsible. They are opposed to centralized government and insist on government of, for and by the people at the lowest possible level. They encourage every individual to have a personal relationship with God and care for his own neighbors in accordance with God’s laws. That is quite an impossible and impractical proposition!

WHERE DIFFERENCES ARE DIMINISHING
Commercial relationships with Christians are fairly unproblematic today. Half a century ago, they boycotted stores that opened on Sunday, forcing many to remain closed, but that has all changed drastically. A large percentage of Christians eat in restaurants after attending church and few have qualms about shopping on Sunday.

There is one minor area of contention that lawmakers are attempting to correct. Some Christians employed by health care facilities and pharmacies are refusing to cooperate in providing products and services to customers which contradict their beliefs. We will also win that fight.

RARE AGREEMENT
Although difficult to imagine, we are in general agreement with Christians on one matter. We all agree that something must be done about our open borders. Most of our ancestors came from other countries and met rigid government requirements in order to become citizens. We are all disturbed that 12 million people have entered this country illegally, and are being granted the same rights and privileges as law-abiding and tax-paying citizens. In some cases they are even given preferential treatment! The political archenemies George W. Bush and Ted Kennedy agreed on an immigration bill, but it failed to pass Congress. This situation shows that not all of our battles are with Christians.